J.M.C Days :D

** This post was originally titled, JMC - FRIENDS and Mannat :)

I’d like to dedicate this post to a very special friend. Just how special the friend was, that I discovered only once we parted ways – for our post graduation. No, no.. I always knew what a fantastic person she was. Or more like.. as three years of graduation flew by like a dream caressed by a sweet breeze, and we were reaching the end of the final year .. it just started becoming visible to me that 99.99% of my JMC memories would be centered around this one person. Well, we were a group (others would use the term ‘gang’ :) ) of 10- steady, together, and symbolized everything positive that our batch could boast of- from laughter, fun, work, creative work, events, competitions, academics, leadership, teamwork, responsibility, integrity. Practically everything. Each one of us was a little bit of something, and a little bit of everything. But together, as a WHOLE, we were the best thing that happened to me in those 3 years. We were everything that F.R.I.E.N.D.S stands for. In fact, we were ‘F.R.I.E.N.D.S’! – only, I realized this fact only once the parting drew nearer.. and even post JMC.

There is a sharp contrast with my post graduation (which of course was beautiful in its own way.. it was a multitude of things- good and not so good). In JMC days, college was LIFE. I woke up every morning looking forward to going to college. Never once did I feel like bunking, ‘taking leave’… I would choose to go to college even in heavy rains … no matter if classes were to be cancelled (in fact, that would be welcome!) .. I would just want to be there … all of us .. talking, laughing, idling away.. sometimes indulging in productive, creative pursuits, debates, discussions. In fact, even the journey to and from college was something I looked forward to, everyday! I would walk till the bus stop near my house.. maybe meet up with Stella HP (A fellow JMC-ite whom I met at the bus stop, and we discovered our common passion for HP, which none in my group had! We always remained bus-friends. But we bonded well and those occasional times we ran into each other at the bus stop, we had GOOD discussions. I never got to know Stella’s last name. I stored her number in my cell as “Stella HP” :))

The bus ride would offer new stories everyday, new people, new experiences, and then the walk from the college bus stop to the college followed. (Sometimes I would hire an auto for 10 bucks if I was running late for class. Imagine, the custom was often to ‘share’ an auto. So, fellow students- complete strangers would simply ask each other if they wanted to ‘share’ a ride- and hence split the costs- abt 3-4 rs. Per head! :-) ) Walking alone offered a different kind of joy: it gave you all the time for mindless introspection, cathartic thinking, or non-thinking. Invariably, you would run into some batchmate or acquaintance and the rest of the walk was consumed in chatting.

(The walk from college to bus stop, at the end of the day, was even more rich and enjoyable. You would invariably walk in a larger group of your friends- and in those 20 minutes took place rich discussions on everything from god to politics; we would sometimes even merrily sing our way to the stop. And by ‘sing’, I do not mean GOOD music, but arbit songs (decent and not so decent) that came to our minds. Radz and I used to do this a lot- against threats and rebukes from the others, who claimed that unlike us, they had a dignified reputation to preserve :D)

The college gate would arrive, and you would walk into the second home, and head straight to the common room – our adda ( which, I later realized was nothing but the Central Perk for our gang) , where we practically had chairs earmarked for us- reminiscent of the F.R.I.E.N.D.S couch where at least someone or the other of the gang would invariably be sitting. And the day from there would be a roller coaster ride. I dunno how or why or when, every single day at jmc became all about laughter. All about it. With occasional emotions of all other kinds thrown in. But once I was there, life seemed good. I dunno if I am explaining this very well. If I had any problems , worries, issues in life, all of those could wait.. or just rot at home. That was a separate world, which made all such issues disappear. JMC was not about serious LIFE. There were no ISSUES to be dealt with. People were never complex. People were simply names, faces, fun, laughter, dialogue, partners, stories. That’s all. The good side, bad side, personality traits, pluses, minuses, personal equations etc etc were all secondary. Or non-existent. There was a LOT of noise- chirping, music, food, books, Xeroxes, dances, games. Almost every other face was either a friend, or an acquaintance. People would either exchange genuine smiles (at the very least) as they passed each other. Or, if they were not friends or friendly acquaintances, they just passed each other. Nothing – no one bothered too much with anyone’s personal life, habits, lifestyle etc. Unless u were friends- and then too, the interest was mainly relevant, solution oriented and inspired more by concern rather than a voyeuristic/ sadistic pleasure in relishing the bruised ego, dignity etc of any person. Now, now I am not saying that these normal human tendencies were absent amongst the junta there, but that by and large, the attitude was one of ‘live and let live.’ People did not spend too much time being judgmental or evaluative towards each other. In a way, everyone was too self- absorbed to look beyond themselves or their circle of friends.

There were the beautiful lush green gardens, pregnant with flowers. Then there was the Rock Garden, (termed by Angel Christy as ‘breezy area’) which housed the beautiful statue of Mother Mary holding baby Jesus in her arms. gardens! Ah! This was something I have sorely missed… there you could sit, chat, idle away, read, (even lie down! – er, I used to take solitary siestas in those gardens), for hours on end… in groups or all alone. Nobody to remind you the dictated norms of propriety etc. In essence, you were as free as you could ever be. [Will you believe that I often wore to jmc, those knee-length, large T-Shirts that could loosely fit a full grown man of 80 kg’s. After a fair share of initial ‘whatttt …whyyy ’ from my friends, it became an accepted code, my way of life. Contrast this with my PG institute- I wore a similar T-Shirt, POST working hrs, in the late hrs of the evening, and people were so aghast and uncomfortable with this idea of ‘unusual’ clothing that they annoyed me enough with “whaattt and whhhyy” to ensure that I could never wear it again! Pity :-/ Now, I am not doing a They vs. Them here. I adore both places, and people in both the places with special fondness. I am just observing a difference in my experience of the system and culture in both the contexts. ]

You would be allowed to take up any cause, issue, activity and go ahead with its implementation if it was not too controversial or harmful. You could do practically everything you wanted to. The only pressure was for you to manage good grades alongside. The college was a stickler for academics. We followed all Del Uuniversity rules by the book. No wink, wink by way of internal assessment. Internal exams, tutorials, lectures etc everything was done as per the stipulated system. Professors were as much bound by the rules as were the students. Of course, you were free to choose as to what you wanted to derive out of the system. You would get the best of everything- counsel, guidance, support.

If you chose to use it, well and good. If you did not, the system, profs etc would not push beyond a point. People came from diverse socio-economic, cultural, religious, regional backgrounds. And everybody got along pleasantly civil with each other. You could be a brilliant scholar, a mediocre student, a talented artist, a (pardon the stereotype) dumb blonde, a plainclothed jassi with a chashma, or a Jessica catwalking-on-the-ramp ; while you would enjoy whatever place you created for yourself, you would never suffer any negative sanctions by the system for being who/ what you were not.

There was basic civility. Mutual respect and tolerance. There was a certain kind of innocence. It being a convent, there was this firm belief in the concept of God. Most people were acquainted with each other through affiliation to a particular church. There was this constant music in the air – someone or the other practising choir songs, or some musical instrument. Bright colorful posters covered the walls, notifying us about cultural festivals or other events in and around the other colleges.

There was something very unreal about JMC. Life was kinda very rosy- too rosy to be true. Or to last beyond those 3 years, maybe. Real issues of career, jobs, life, etc etc were not the whole and soul of existence. They were just a part of it.

Actually, I guess that a lot of this is basically about jmc as I experienced it. The place viewed through my optic. Individuals have different experiences of different places, and maybe, just maybe, someone else’s description of jmc may not match verbatim with mine. Anywho, it’s not like it was a state of of utopia either. I could list tens of things that the place was lacking in. Or the people. But then, utopias are just that na- they don’t exist. All that I know at the end of it all is that those 3 years were like a dip in the pool of bliss. We had to move on ( and away).. for good. And we did.

But I’m eternally thankful to god for the time while we were there.

I had wanted to write about Mannat. But got carried away as memories came rushing through. A lot of good things are fading away from memory already. I thought it would be a good idea to record at least some for now. For safekeeping J

The Blood(less) War

Ooops … after ages!

Yes. After. Ages.

Rebel No. 1 and Rebel No.2 played with fireworks- an unanticipated, heated argument, which began at the dining table .. over dessert, and ended within 20 minutes flat. A very cold, deafening silence-after-the-war ..you know .. to which even the neutral parties (other members of the family – An uncle, and aunt and a sister) could not respond with a cool, “ooohkayy.. so, moving over .. ”, faking a jovial atmosphere.

In their heart of hearts, Uncle and Aunt are both naturally biased towards the Younger Rebel/Combatant (Y.C). Well, not only coz Y.C is more vulnerable, n pity evoking.. but well, to be honest and fair, Y.C has a fair and valid point! Uncle finally passes some remark, trying to thaw the tension in the air. A feeble attempt. Y.C gives an appreciative nod of head. Elder Combatant, at his My-Way-Or-The-Highway best, does not react/ register this interjection.

Aunt pipes in again, siding with the Y.C – (seizing the opportunity to settle her own scores with the elder one), pressing with rational arguments, in the favor of the former. Y.C stops her mid-way. Shaking with rage-cum-hurt-cum-helplessness inwardly, and trying to maintain a poise and dignified calm, she brushes aside aunt’s helpful interjection, “Let it go. The matter ends.”

Aunt does not relent. She keeps talking. Her arguments now assuming the tone of accusatory remarks at E.C, from being defensive ones for Y.C.

(‘God, please stop her’, Y.C prays inwardly ..going weak shuddering inside; much as E.C was unfair, and wrong, and needed to see her reason, she is petrified at the prospect of things going worse. No more provocation, please!)

Oh, did I mention, the Sister meanwhile, (in a way, Combatant no.3 & team-mate of the Y.C, gives even more inflammable inputs- luckily, Y.C’s louder, n E.C does not register or respond to the Sister. Yeah, trust me. LUCKILY. Lucky for the sister I mean. It wouldn’t have been a pretty sight :-O :-/ )

Finally, Y.C, Aunt, Uncle and sister strike up a very fake-ly casual, light-hearted conversation. [Y.C is still sharing the couch with E.C (straight faced- royally poised, the jovial, playful -warmth that had adorned it just half-an-hour ago, drained off his face :-( ), and she is nervously conscious of the movement of every single muscle in her body- aware that she has done enough dangerous flexing of her vocal ones today :-( Playing with fire is okay …, Children. As long as you don’t make it a beyond-burnol- case.

After a few minutes, Y.C excuses herself to ‘check her mails’ (heck, everyone knows she is escaping the post-war-battlefield, n nothing more!). Goes to the computer room. Aunt follows her in a while. ( Still mumbling the same arguments in the kid’s favor.) Uncle follows a bit later. They get back to their exploration of MS Office 2007, and watching some interesting videos. And as is wont to happen in any discussion between the pair, invariably, Indian Vedic tradition concepts surface from somewhere.

And a few minutes later, they hear some not-hostile discussion from outside (combatant No. 3, and E.C are now on ‘talking terms’, apparently. Y.C heaves a sigh of relief. Does not know why. Anything better than deafening silence, she thinks!)

The House is divided into two camps again. One: inside, in the computer room. The other, outside, in the living room. The chatter of the laughterhouse now replaced by the silence of a Commando Camp.

*Y.C leaves all to fate. Positive that things will get back to normal some day, for sure. They always do. D’oh! Our dynamics is like The Titanic sailing forward, dodging icebreaks. It’s always a close call to a catastrophe. But we never hit the berg!- touchwood! :D*

Y.C gets a phone call. And she is in her less-than-pleasant moods right now. (Trauma Victims take time getting out of the ‘mental phase’, right?)

However, she manages. Uncle, Aunt both take a break from their camp, move out of the room. Suddenly, E.C walking towards the computer room. Oops… Awkward, awkward.. she can’t stand this, no! Run away, her inner voice implores with her. She swiftly hangs up.

E.C pronouncedly walks over to the refrigerator outside, takes out a bottle and leaves. What an anticlimax!

Y.C alone in the Computer Room again. Uncle notices. Returns. Aunt advises hitting the bed. Y.C complies, though, she needs to work for some time, she insists. Everyone gives her warm looks, half good night hugs. She opens up her laptop and starts typing a blogpost. No no, she does have other real work to do! But right now, this is all she is capable of doing. It is kinda cathartic too.

Sis walks in with a congratulatory, mischievous, proud smile, “that was some heated argument huh.. ” . To Y.C it sounded like, “Neat attempt at belling our CAT.” Oh yeah, it was almost heroic, wasn’t it :P

Even as she types, some of the bits of The Crossfire cross her mind..

Some things about extremism… sitting in judgment… maneuvering behavior … intentions … mindset… social conditioning… ritualistic behaviour… gosh what not!!

She wonders how soon the Ceasefire shall be silently declared, this time. A warm one, that is.

Life is all haa haa hee hee - that kinds.

Does she regret Today’s War?

Not at all. The cause was justified. Even though it was always a lost cause, she knows.

Could it have been done differently?

Maybe. Certainly, she knows what she did not-right that put E.C on the wrong foot. Although, she tried her best to adopt the best approach. But it ain’t easy. Not where E.C is concerned.

Does she like E.C any less?

No.

She is certainly mad at him, once again. Old memories of silently protesting and crying in her personal notebook after such face-offs between the two, come alive.

Didn’t she once have to learn to “Change a Lightbulb” the hard way, coz of him, one day? To guard her pride, and hurt her bruised ego- she wouldn’t take his help. After having blown off the lamp in her room, one night before her university exams, she had famously declared that she would “rather study in candlelight, than beg him to fix a new lightbulb in the lamp.”

But well, the smiles, the cheer, the blessings, the anchor she has earned from him far outweigh every single tear, every single frown, every scary momentary-skip-of-heartbeat :)

What the heck, HB. You drive me mad. Grossly unfair, unreasonable, and oh-soo-rage-evoking sometimes!

But I will forgive you. Yet again. Forgive? Okay, not really, ‘forgive’- coz I really can’t afford to! But I’ll just let this pass. Again. Coz … well, you are the only H.B we have. And the major hiccups notwithstanding, you are just

toooo precious a treasure to lose :-)

And I’ll pray for you, even if I cannot tell you this for the rest of my life (err.. given that every such Heated Discussion leaves me wondering if this will be the last time we ever talk). I’ll watch out for your well-being. I’ll want you to smile forever and always. And tell you about my smiles and cheer.

Just as I know you would, for me.

I am positively MAD at you right now. As I know, are you.

Waitaminnit .. aren’t all of our Wars a result of this contradiction? That we CARE. Care enough to almost impose upon the other, what we think is a ‘better’ take on life. Coz we wan’t the best, and nothing less than that for each other.

And I’ll wait for sun to shine again. I’ll wait for the new dawn.

So finally, this is how I cover this elder brother of mine, a post which should have ideally been under the “Brothers” section of my blog, along with the others I had covered on Rakhi. And on a much more pleasant note, I had hoped :(

However, this is how it was meant to be. Sigh.

Am back home now.

BTW: I had slept last night, typing the above post. Sister told me in the morning that the topic of conversation between E.C and her last night was ME :O – and will you believe it, they were discussing my childhood stories … !

Hmm..not bad. The War was not as bloody as it had appeared then.

Emotions rule :D God Bless memories :)

Anywho, We packed & left early next morning, and the Silent phase is on again.

Dunno how long it will last, this time ..

Whatever E.C … For you, a thousand times over :)

I begin this blog with Mindless Blabbering ..

Hello everyone!

How’ve you been? :)

Everybody’s been asking me as to why I haven’t been posting for so long…

Well.. I just did not have any energy, motivation, inspiration .. to write!

Dunno why. Dunno How. Life just seems so bland. Lifeless, actually.

Although, there is a good news: I have begun working on a Live Project ( for the ignorant, that’s a project with a company which you work on, along with your course- this one was totally unanticipated and initially my friend and I tried our best to avoid it, coz it lacked promise… but now I am really indebted to god (and Ananta, my Lady Santa- who pushed us to take it up! :D) for this. I am lucky enough to be in really good company (my favourit-est batchmate ), and though we haven’t added much value so far *if anything, we have only SUBTRACTED it from that office :D* .. the time spent is rather fun!)

By the way, beat this: I missed two classes today, just coz I ASSUMED there were none scheduled. Why, you ask?

Well, methought= Saturday, isn’t it! (so what, if we have never HAD a Saturday off in the past several months)..!!

Sometimes I think I must see a shrink.

At other times, I yawn at that idea too. Like I do at everything else.

Oh, and there was another bomb blast today, in a market very close to where I live. These people more than disgust me. Although, now one has seen the bad-in-mankind from such close quarters that, nothing moves you MUCH.

[Errrm .. try walking in a corridoor with one of ur batchmates, n see another one (foe-of-the-first) pass, flexing their muscles in a pronounced threatening sort of way. You know what I mean? Beyond grievances.

Plain Spitefully dangerous.]

And JKR has stopped writing :-/

And I dun get Zee Café/ Star World – can’t watch F.R.I.E.N.D.S

And I donot get any real mental stimulation out of anything I do in 24 hours in the day. Conversations seem so repetitively mundane, out of touch with reality, and have ceased to be engrossing. Smiling seems to be a reflex, rather than an emotion.

I have been getting more-than-ample amount of sleep though! Which is goooooood!

:D

Trying to make sense of where to take my life again.

By the way … get this: I searched on orkut and there is this community there :

Indian Mujaheedin- Description: This community is for those who are dedicated to spread terror in countries like India, China and Pakistan.

:O

Shouldn’t orkut take cognizance of such activities?

Weird, na! ..

*Munni – our domestic help, walks in: “Shruti Dii.. ‘Bigg Bosss’ aa rahi hai ..ab toh khana khane aa jao please” *

Hahaha !

What has my life been reduced to! ..

I live from one episode of big boss to the next! :P

Her tone was kinda threatening though …

Need to make a move. I think she has started not-liking me these days… although I was her favourite court jester earlier .. :) She told me I brought ‘Laughter into the house’ .. :D :D gee! .. how I love her :P

But now, my messy ways ..ill timed meals .. etc etc just seem to have made her life so miserable, that she probably thinks I’m not worth the pain :-/

*sigh*

Okay, that’s di yelling again… Dunno what Rahul Mahajan (one of the inmates in the house)has done this time! ..

Gottto rush, catch up on the Gossip! :D :D ..

You guyz have fun … God bless you all :)

Psst.. the post below is one I had half -written days back.. m posting it anyway ... tho it ain't much of read ....

It is 1:07 A.M. And I am not very sleepy (yay!). Just finished off my PCMM Assignments and submitted those to the Prof. with a note of apology and explanation..

(errr… Both the assignments are way beyond deadline, and submitted as individual ones – when it was supposed to be groupwork) *long story* :D

We have an end-of-term break going on, you know ..

Hell, how WOULD you know! … Coz even for me, it’s hard to tell! :-(

Doesn’t feel like a break at all! .. Work, Work, and more work it is :-/

Assignments- undone, half-done, done without any good reason, done sans passion or competence, done beyond deadlines, done at the expense of break-time!

More Work- Some supposed data collection, an old long-forgotten drudgery work for some prof’s research..some boring lecture videos to watch, to work on its content (completely unanticipated, uninvited, unearned work!)

The very FIRST day of the break began with a visit to the Office.. where a friend and I are going to invest the next 2.5 months – college hours .. more drudgery work .. the saving grace is that the project seems much more interesting and meaty than it had sounded earlier, and at least, I have real good company :-)

The only ‘break’ time in the past 6 days of the supposed holiday .. (err.. make it ‘so-called’, so called holiday!.. u know, how I hate clichéd terms like this one … “so called” *yuck*.. I wish to hit the writer/ speaker bang on the head everytime they use it, for supposed (or ‘SO CALLED’ ;) ) special effects/ impact on the audience…. Aaaargh! :P .. the cherry on the cake is when they use air-quotes to go with the ‘so-called’… ! really reallllllllly …! … )

Anyway, back to the point :O ..

The only real ‘break’ I have had in the past 6 days was the 1.5 days spent at my favorite relatives’; sadly, the anticipated fun there too, was butchered rather brutally, with the news of the serial Blasts the same evening (and at locations very close to our own!) - which markedly lowered our spirits and zest for our Shruti-is-on-a-break celebration :-(

I have been intending to do this place really well. Nicely.

This is like my den. And I plan to design it, furnish it, define it! :-)

There is so much that I wish to do. But I just can’t find the time for it. Every long post is followed by a sense of guilt! Coz it always seems to have eaten into some prospective ‘constructive’ usage of time.

I guess there comes a point in your life, where you just cannot choose what you wish to do with your time. And you end up investing all your day, in work that doesn’t stimulate you. Or, with people, who think you belong in a museum.. And, who you think just escaped one on probation! :D

Sometimes I feel my life is not my own anymore. Well, it’s such a common feeling, I know. These moments are not rare at all; quite normal for everyone. But this time, these moments are becoming the norm with me- rather than an exception!

I get this feeling – that I have lost ownership of my life, more often than I feel otherwise. Which is funny, coz in many ways, this is less true than it was some time ago. Though in different ways, and for different reasons.

I donot belong here. And the reasons in favour of this statement far outweigh those against it.

And I will stop typing mindlessly and incoherently, right here!

Nopes, not out of consideration for your sentiments and time, my readers, but Coz even I got bored talking like this, now :D ..